Being married once before
AND having failed miserably at it..
My opinions on marriage have changed. Quite drastically.
I still believe in the institution of marriage. More so than I did the first time.
The first time I wanted the idea
I fell in love with the idea
I wanted that white picket fence, and the kids, and the dog, and the passionate, intimate relationship with my husband. The kind where our kids would watch us do dishes together in the kitchen and maybe blush when we kissed or danced but knew, without a doubt, that their parents loved each other.
When I was younger I had a friends whose parents were so in love. I remember being over at her house and her parents were in the kitchen and I saw her father lean over slap her mom’s butt. I blushed and looked away, the idea of adults engaging in any type of sexual activity foreign and uncomfortable to me, but I remember think that wow, they are so in love and they do not hide that (no saying you show love with a quick slap to the ass, but I hope you see my point).
So I got married with hat intention and that idea in my head.
Needless to say it did not happen. It maybe slightly happened, to give the marriage some credit, but we both realized after a year and a half that it was never going to happen.
Now, in a fantastic relationship with my current boyfriend, for going on a year now, marriage has once again been brought to the table.
I would love to get married again, but I would do it totally differently this time.
For one, I am not sure I would want anyone else there besides me and him. I before saw marriage as a celebration as love that everyone should attend. You should have the shower and the parties and then the wedding and the reception.
None of those things seem all that important anymore.
When I got married the first time, I said my vows just to say them. It was “ok I have to say these things to get to point B, which was married bliss”
This time around I realize the importance of those words, the promise you are making not only to your partner, but to God.
I am not sure where that comes from. Probably a number of things. Maturity. A growing relationship with God.
But I would love to get a gorgeous dress. Go to some island somewhere and have me and my groom exchange our vows.
I think marriage is between the two people. I think that anyone else involved is just one too many.
Anyway, I won’t be getting married again for a while, but it is fun to think about